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I spent most of my teenage years and some of my adulthood beneath the shroud of oversized sweaters. Hiding my body. Concealing curves and cellulite and pale skin. I would pull a sweater over my head—the bigger the better—every morning, willing my body away. Sometimes, I would even swim fully clothed, in a T-shirt and shorts, citing my false fear of potential sunburn.
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That girl was unwittingly feeding and feeding her shame. It had a boundless appetite. She could never have conceived that one day she would be standing naked in her living room, preparing for somebody to take photographs of her, preparing to put those photographs on the internet.
Rather, it was countless little moments, wedged between that girl hiding in the sweater and the twenty-nine-year-old woman I am now. Last year, the idea of my body was on my mind—a lot.
I thought about alexis texas blue leggings first when I woke up in the morning. I thought about it when I put my arms through the puffy sleeves of my winter jacket.